Apparently one of the most common, and therefore obvious, places to hide your valuables is under the bed. This means its the first place a thief will look. But if you have the BedBunker, it will make no difference — he won’t be able to open it anyway.

The BedBunker is a gun cache which sits under your mattress and infuses your dreams with manly, death-spraying action. Inside the 10-gauge steel box you can cram the bare essentials for survival: 35 rifles and 70 handguns. You can even take the optional castors to turn this into a rolling weapon-wagon.

Worried that things might get hot and the caps will start popping underneath you? The safe is fireproofed for 120 minutes, giving you time to get out before things blow. For the truly paranoid, we suggest just throwing a mattress inside and sleeping in the BedBunker itself (warning, air supplies may be tight). How much for this macho princess-and-the-pea accessory? $2,200-$4,000 depending on size. Infomercial below.

Product page [Bed Gun Safe via Uncrate]